Let’s Talk About Sex: Lack Of Communication About Sex Can Ruin Your RelationshipPublished by Justin D Joseph on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 11:00 am.
Do you remember when sex was the last thing you wanted talk about? You were probably in your awkward I’m-heading-into-puberty pre-teen phase. But now, things have changed. Those awkward giggles of apprehension have now evolved into giggles of understanding and anticipation. That turned up nose, and resounding “I DON’T DO THAT,” has turned into a cheeky smile and a confident “You haven’t tried that yet?” But even as the idea of sex doesn’t make you squeamish in your adulthood, the truth is not everyone is as open about conversing about sex as they should be—their wants, needs and desires.
Do you realize, there are couples who do not talk about sex like they REALLY should? Ladies, do you tell your man when he isn’t hitting the right spot or is lacking the emotional depth you need? Fellas, do you share with your lady your inner fantasies—you know the really freaky ones? If you’re like many men and women, you answered ‘No.’ Why did you answer ‘No’? Because of fear. But that very same fear can lead your man to fulfill his fantasies elsewhere, and your lady to find the emotional support she needs in another man. But that doesn’t have to be.
If couples actively communicated about bedroom relations, the frequency of infidelity would be reduced. Because let’s face it, most couples break-up and divorce over matters surrounding money and sex. If you say you trust your partner, doesn’t that trust extend to you being able to openly discuss any and everything, not matter how big or small?
Challenge yourself and your partner to discuss sex. But don’t bring it up right AFTER the act has taken place. This can be awkward, and if you’re trying to present a critique, it can knock at the confidence of your partner (especially a male partner—remember the male ego?) Try bringing it up casually over dinner, or while you two are spending quality time together.
You’re probably wondering how do you begin such conversation. Well for starters, DO NOT start the conversation with anything that sounds like, “You don’t do this, so…” That can resemble an attack. Make it all about you. For example, if you are trying to get your partner to explore in the bedroom, start the conversation with something like: “I have been interested in exploring [insert your desire]. I think it could be fun for us, would you be open to trying that?”—see how passive, yet aggressive that was?
Sex of course like most things in life means different things for each of us. Some of us see sex as the signature on the dotted line of a relationship, while others view sex as a great stress reliever after a long day at work. Some of us need it as affirmation, while others just…need it. All of this is important for you to share that too with your partner (or partners).
Are you ready to talk about sex?
—Justin Dwayne Joseph/Suezette Yasmin Robotham
ED NOTE: Make sure that you and your partner(s) are getting tested regularly for HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Talking about this should be a non-negotiable.